Mount Redoubt continues to thumb nose at EPA!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

ANCHORAGE, Alaska - In a blatant act of defiance to the EPA crackdown, Mt. Redoubt continues to spew ash and toxic gases unabated. The on-site spokesman for the EPA indicated that they are very disappointed that the volcano has chosen to continue down that path.

Rumors have been circulating that the EPA has been in contact with the United Nations. Sources indicate an emergency Security Council resolution has been requested that will apply crippling sanctions against the volcano.

A scientist from the EPA (oxymoron), who spoke on the condition of anonymity, indicated that a draft had in fact been completed, and that they expected the resolution to be voted on by the UN Security Council early next week.

In the meantime, a spokesman for the EPA requested that Americans remain calm. They are concerned with the hysteria that is being created by right wing blogs and talk shows.

The spokesman stated that, "It is unconscionable that these blogs and talk shows would actually be encouraging this volcano to erupt. We understand that one website thinks it would actually be funny if 'the volcano should suffer a pre-mature eruption. What kind of sick people are these?"

The EPA wants Americans to know that they are monitoring the situation very closely and are ready to take action at a moments notice. The EPA has vowed that "they will not allow this volcano to erupt."

A spokesman from the Governor's office said, "The Governor believes the EPA has no business trying to interfere with the eruption of this volcano. This is a natural thing and we should let Mother Nature run its course."

Update 6:00 PDT

On tonight's "Shoutdown with Keith Olbermann," Keith declared Mount Redoubt as today's "Worse Volcano in The World!" He also stated that any injuries resulting from the eruption of Mount Redoubt would be the responsibility of Glenn Beck.

Now to the real news. According to The Alaska Volcano Observatory:

Seismic and satellite data over the past day indicate continued lava dome growth. Satellite and web camera images have been obscured by clouds, but no significant ash emissions visible in radar.

A satellite image from yesterday afternoon showed a continuous sulfur dioxide gas plume extending for more than 600 miles from volcano.

Additional significant explosive events with accompanying ash clouds, ash fall, and mudflows are possible and can occur with little or no warning. AVO will maintain 24/7 operations in order to quickly detect renewed significant explosive activity and other hazardous phenomena.

Click to go to the Alaska Volcano Observatory website